Infidelity, Coping With the Discovery of Infidelity

The discovery of infidelity ranks as one of the most painful and heartbreaking incidents in a marriage. Because of the severe impact on the relationship it is not surprising that it can take several years to successfully reverse damages done by infidelity.
Considerations about surviving infidelity:
Many couples manage to live through infidelity and create a healthier and deeper bond with more affection and closeness as well as attention to each other.
A major consideration in saving the relationship after an affair is the high level of commitment by both spouses to mutually work towards rebuilding the relationship through effective communication.
Unfortunately the actual triggers leading to infidelity are often tough to identify. It is not easy for couples to accept and take responsibility for their own contribution to serious issues in the marriage. The result is that couples have a tendency to give reasons that do not accurately explain what actually led to an affair. In this scenario the actual problem is not going to surface and infidelity may be repeated. In these situations the unresolved issues can bring on the same results in the next relationship.
Shock of Discovery
Romantic relationships are created partly on optimistic hopes and dreams. An affair brutally shatters all these hopes and dreams and leads to doubt, lack of confidence and apprehension. It also makes a spouse dig deep to try to understand how they could do it and question the very core of the relationship. The initial blow of learning about the infidelity followed by a lack of confidence in the relationship leads to thoughts and emotions of shame, depression and anger and a tendency to track a spouses every move. The violation of trust is total and devastating.
Managing Emotions
The way to manage these initial feelings is to talk about them in an environment where someone will simply listen without presenting unwanted judgmental opinions or counsel. At this stage advice if not beneficial because a spouse is way to emotionally distressed to think clearly and arrive at a decision that would best serve their interests. It also would not accomplish very much at this stage to express disappointment with a spouse. Right after the discovery of an affair, the guilty spouse is probably unable to listen and understand. Engaging in a powerful, emotionally loaded conversation with the guilty spouse may create a defensive response denying what took place, or transfer the blame and finally end up in a communication disconnect. Regrettably, this type of results only increases the feelings of negativity.
Much more effective is the option of following a detailed and specific course of action targeted at rebuilding trust, surviving infidelity and helping you save your marriage.

An excellent source that provides a basic overview on how to survive an affair and save your marriage can be found at

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